I wrote this in September 2019. I have come a long way since writing this. Some of my beliefs and values have changed but for the most part, a lot remains intact except this crazy ridiculous belief that to be a true artist I have to starve and suffer.
I no longer come from that thinking space and that is one of the reasons why I am currently not starving as an artist. What you believe about yourself is vital when it comes to the outcome of your life, your accomplishments/lack thereof. Change your thinking, change your life. I hope you find something of value from this letter.
I have become so identified with the belief that I am a starving artist that my actions and thought patterns portray that, leading to a frustrated and disconnected life. My beliefs have shaped my depression. I need to let go of the labels I have put about my life, and be present in the moment to everything I am doing, taking it one step at a time, and whoever I am supposed to be will unfold eventually.
Do not become so identified with what you do that it becomes your sense of self, whether that be your job, or your role as a daughter, a mother or a CEO because once you lose that thing or feel like it is no longer within your grasp, then you get thrown down into a state of confusion, helplessness and depression.
I should not be attached to or defined by my role as an artist because it is only temporary, and a balance that must happen between my human form for me to survive, and my being. Being an artist is not my life. There is no my life because I am the life. The universe is experiencing things through my temporary human form, and when it is no more, that energy or essence of my being, cannot and will not die with the human form instead, it continue to be as it always has and will, hence immortality. There is no need to be fearful of death.
What I should do however, is find a way to discard my ego, and the need to be great, because that need is exactly what is taking the power of that greatness away from me. I should not look at things from an egoistic point of view instead I should try to not judge the situation I am in and instead take it as it is because my reaction to the situation is what will determine the outcome of the situation. Reactions are fueled by the way I perceive the situation and the energy that I have around me. If I am calm, I will transmit this calm energy to my situation making the situation reflect my calmness, hence making me be at peace with my inner self, and so on.
Achieving inner peace, or this heightened state of self-awareness or consciousness can only come from within and only if I am fully present in the moment of whatever it is I am doing, not attaching any labels to it and just being there! Presence creates possibilities. Live in the present moment.
I can exist in my dreams and ambitions as I authentically am. There is no way to bring upon positive change in my life if I constantly believe that I am who, the people that have watered my self-doubt, say I am. Change can prove to be difficult but at the end of the day, it all starts from within. That’s where the ignition to this Ferrari of a life begins: within.
What I believe, I portray. If I believe that I’m not good enough, then I’ll act like I’m not good enough. However, if I firmly believe that I am capable of anything, then the change I seek will come because my actions will reflect exactly that.
What we consume we become. Whatever state you are in transmits itself to others. Be more aware and know what helps you relax, for real. For me, surprisingly enough, it’s not even in the element of being an artist or the makeup of one, rather, it’s in taking a good long hot shower. That is how I bring myself back to the present and relax, and that is what I should go do right now.
PS: Once upon a time, a song was produced. Listen below and download for free if you like it.